A Wedding That Feels Like You: My Approach to Jewish and Interfaith Marriage

By Rabbi Yohanna Kinberg

One of the first things I want to know when I meet a couple is how they found each other. What drew them together? When did they begin to imagine a shared future? What do they love about the life they are already building?

These stories are where our work begins. Before choosing blessings or discussing what happens under the chuppah, I want to get to know the two people who will stand there.

As a rabbi, I bring Jewish tradition into that conversation: its wisdom, its beauty, its humor, and its capacity to hold both joy and complexity. Together, we create a ceremony that honors your relationship and the home you hope to build.

Bringing Your Whole Selves to the Chuppah

People arrive at marriage with different relationships to Judaism. Some grew up celebrating every holiday. Some have a Jewish parent or grandparent and are finding their own way into the tradition. Some feel deeply Jewish but have rarely felt comfortable in a synagogue. Others are joining their lives with a Jewish partner and encountering these rituals for the first time.

You can bring all of that into our conversations.

I welcome Jewish and interfaith couples, LGBTQ+ couples, and couples whose lives and families cross cultures, countries, and religious traditions. I want each person to feel seen, respected, and fully present in the ceremony.

For interfaith couples, we spend time talking about what each partner brings to the marriage. What traditions feel precious? What language feels comfortable? Are there beliefs, family expectations, or experiences we need to handle with particular care?

These conversations help us make thoughtful choices. Both partners should understand the words they are saying and feel connected to the promises they are making.

Ancient Rituals, Personal Meaning

A Jewish wedding offers extraordinary ways to express love and commitment.

The chuppah, the wedding canopy, represents the home you are beginning together. I love its open sides: a reminder to consider whom you will welcome into your life and how you will practice hospitality.

The ketubah, the marriage document, gives us an opportunity to put your commitments into words. What do you owe one another? How will you care for each other through change? What values will guide your shared life?

Blessings over wine, the exchange of rings, and the wedding blessings connect your celebration to generations of Jewish life. We can use Hebrew and English, explain the rituals, and make room for readings, music, and the people you love.

Even the breaking of the glass invites reflection. At a moment of great happiness, Jewish tradition asks us to remember the world's brokenness. Your marriage begins within a larger human community, with opportunities to bring kindness and repair into it.

We will talk through these rituals together so that you can choose with understanding and intention.

Preparing for a Marriage

Our time together also makes room for the life that follows the wedding.

We talk about family, communication, Jewish identity, spiritual practice, and the traditions you might want in your home. For interfaith couples, that may include holidays, relationships with extended family, and questions about raising children, if children are part of your hopes.

You do not need every answer before we meet. Sometimes the most valuable part of preparing for a wedding is learning how to ask these questions together.

I usually meet with couples on Zoom, with in-person meetings when possible. These conversations give us time to build a relationship and shape a ceremony that feels personal, grounded, and welcoming.

Welcoming the People You Love

Your guests may include people who know every blessing and people attending their first Jewish wedding. I want them to feel included in what is happening.

I explain the rituals as we go, making space for their meaning without losing the flow and joy of the ceremony. We can also consider thoughtful ways to involve family and friends.

Families can be complicated. Weddings may bring grief, absence, divorce, or strained relationships into sharper focus. We can talk about those realities, too, and find ways to honor loved ones while caring for the people standing before us.

Beginning Together

My hope is that you leave your wedding feeling connected: to each other, to the people who witnessed your promises, and to the Jewish traditions you have made part of your life.

You should recognize yourselves in the ceremony. Your laughter. Your tenderness. Your hopes. The particular love that brought you here.

If you are planning a Jewish or interfaith wedding, I would love to hear your story. We can begin with a conversation about what matters to you and imagine, together, what your wedding might become.